Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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