what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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