This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
