Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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