My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
