Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
