I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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