i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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