I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
