9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
