I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
