I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Randomize
