I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
