like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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