Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
