What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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