I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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