whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I want to be your penis for a week.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
