It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
