I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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