i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
