i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
