Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
