Have you finally orgasmed yet?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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