i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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