is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
