I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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