then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
