It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
