Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
