Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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