I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The Olympian is in my bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
