Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
