You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
