I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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