Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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