im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
