apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
