This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
