It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
