So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
