Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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