I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
