PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
