bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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