how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
