Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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