Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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