she kept yelling 'call me bella'
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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