dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He felt like a one man threesome
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
