Pants 0. Shit 1.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
