He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
