I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
