My friends, they love my intelligence
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
