idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
