Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
