like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
