your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
