She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
