Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
