Sponge bath it is.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
