office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
