I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
