you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
