i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
