Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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