I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
