I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My dick has a subreddit
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
