First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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